Is this just real life, or is this just fantasy?

A couple of months ago, some incompetent driver turned into the bike lane without checking, forcing me to emergency brake and just about stop myself from smashing straight into his car (a common occurrence in Amsterdam). 

A bit embarrassed, the driver apologised nervously and quickly drove off. As I cycled on, my mind started to wonder and I imagined a scenario where he had actually run me over. 

I saw myself executing a perfect backflip, landing on my feet, running up to him and asking what the F*%# was wrong with him. He replied by jumping out his car and attempting to punch me. 

Luckily, I’m a white belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu so I ducked, tackled him to the ground and got him in a rear naked choke. 

I kind of snapped out of this day dream, realising how tightly I was gripping my handlebars, gritting my teeth and genuinely shocked by the storm I was feeling in my body.

Even though none of this actually happened, I genuinely experienced it as if it was real. I was all fired up from the adrenaline of being in an imaginary fight.

This was something that happened to me on a regular basis. Unconsciously, I seemed to frequently go through these imaginary negative scenarios and feel the emotions as if they were real.

For example, I might imagine myself having a heated political debate... confronting a colleague about something they said… coming up with all the worst reasons as to why my friend didn’t reply on whatsapp… or secretly recording a conversation with someone to catch them out and expose them for who they really are…

I call these my Negative Fantasies. 

Have YOU ever experienced one of them? Do YOU ever daydream about negative scenarios and feel the emotions as if they had actually happened? 

Although it can be useful to play out worst case scenarios in our heads, especially when it comes to planning, problem-solving or assessing risk (probably one of the reasons why our ancestors were so good at surviving). The mind can’t really distinguish between real and imagined events. 

So we can put enormous stress on our mind and body if we regularly default to these negative fantasies. And as a lot of us are so distracted and rarely present these days, it becomes so much easier for our minds to wander off unaware. 

Then we end up stressed or in a bad mood for no real reason. Simply because of the negative imaginary scenarios that pop up uninvited in our heads.

If you want to reduce these negative fantasies, the best thing to do is to simply bring more awareness to them. Try to identify them when they happen. 

You can do this by writing them down every time you have one. This can be in your journal, on your phone notes or even with a voice recorder. 

Don’t judge yourself for having these fantasies, just acknowledge them and write them down. Try this for a week. The more you do it, the more you will detach yourself from them and the better you will be at catching yourself when they happen. 

And the best thing is that when you read them back a few weeks later, you are pretty much guaranteed to have a bit of a laugh. 

I hope this resonated with you, if it did drop a 🔥  with the amount of negative fantasies you have already had this week. (I’m currently at 🔥 x5)